Disbanded
by Alviarin
Summary: Weiss has been disbanded. Aya and Ken are given their own teams. Three years later everything has gone wrong. Ken can't stop thinking about his love for Aya, and the swordsman appears to have gone rogue. Yaoi/Slash/MxM Ken/Aya Rated M for violence, gore, and graphic sexual themes. (Warning contains a rape scene)
1. Disbanded

Chapter One: Disbanded

A/N: Ok so I kind of got this idea from a story I read called "Second Chances", By Atsureki. I lurved that story...well all her stories really. Anyway _her_ story disbands Weiss and sends them on their merry, or not so merry as it turns out, way. _My_ story is going to disband Weiss, but all hell is going to break loose. MWAHAHAHA I will quite calmly, but with extreme delight, remove Aya's leash. Criminals you have been warned.

**Disbanded**

Ken stared at Omi. The blonde wasn't serious...was he? Disband Weiss? What would they do? Ken's eyes moved to Aya, who seemed to be taking the news in stride. Was he really ok with this? Ken almost laughed, of course _he_ was. The bastard didn't feel anything anyway so why should he care if the little group that had become like a family to Ken over the years was disbanded. Ken felt his shoulders droop...this couldn't be happening. He barely listened as Omi described what their new teams were like. Youji would be the new teams' liaison, taking over for Manx and Birman. Ken was now the leader of a group called Aoi, and Aya was to lead the group called Yuki. Omi had disbanded the German named groups, taken their members and placed them in new groups with Japanese names. Ken was sure feeling blue at the moment so he felt his new team name was appropriate. The same could be said for Aya as well. His whole personality was like ice covered with snow that had been frozen then...Ken sighed, this train of thought would never end. He glanced over at Aya again and suppressed a shudder. The man was so cold, but Ken was hopelessly and irreversibly in love with him. Before his sister had died in a car accident a scant few months after the defeat of Esset, Aya had seemed to be warming up to the others. Ken had seen him almost smile...almost. It was a very close thing, but now he'd never see the assassin smile. Hell, he rarely heard the man speak. The longest sentence he had heard the man utter in over three months was only three words long, and not even directed at him. Youji had been pestering the redhead, as was his norm, about being a cold bastard. Aya had turned, looked him in the eye and said_ "Go fuck yourself."_ Then he had calmly walked away and hadn't spoken a word since, but even still Ken loved him.

He'd figured it out a few years before they'd gone up against and defeated Schwartz and Esset. He and Aya had been alone in their old apartment. He'd been sitting on the floor playing a video game and binging on chips. Aya had been curled up in a chair behind him with a book. After a few hours Ken had given up on his game and turned the infuriating thing off. When he'd glanced up it was to see that Aya had fallen asleep with his head on the chair's armrest. In sleep the man's normally expressionless face was relaxed and looked about five years younger. Ken had stared at him for what seemed like hours before turning back around and leaning against the chair. His head hit Aya's thigh and he felt the swordsman shift, but instead of pulling away Aya moved closer. Then Ken had felt the other man's long fingers stroking his hair. It was the most soothing thing Ken had felt in his entire life. He felt suffused with warmth as he sat there. The fingers in his hair eventually put him to sleep. When he'd woken the side of his face had been resting against Aya's thigh and the redhead was awake, just sitting there reading his book and not seeming to care that Ken was using him as a pillow. Ken had just closed his eyes and inhaled the soft, spicy scent that was Aya. That was when he knew, without a doubt that he loved the man. Then the shit hit the proverbial fan. First Schwarz then Esset then little Aya-chan and Sakura's deaths. It had all been too much for Aya. He'd retreated so far from Ken and the others that the brunette didn't think he would ever get that close to him again. He'd tried giving the swordsman a hug after the crash and it had been harder and colder than hugging stone. Every muscle in Aya's body had tensed at the contact. He hadn't pushed Ken away, but he hadn't taken the comfort Ken had been trying to give him.

Now here they were about to be separated for what was probably going to be forever. Ken felt like crying, This plan of Omi's was bull shit. It was stupid and...now everyone was staring at him like he'd gone completely insane. Crap, what had he said out loud. His cheeks flushed thinking of his mental declaration of love for Aya. "What part of my plan is stupid?" Omi asked a slightly hurt look on his cherubic face.

"The whole thing!" Ken exploded. "Why fix a team that ain't broke." He looked around helplessly. "I mean we work great together...don't we?"

"I think you missed the part when he said we were the only people he could trust to help him run things." Youji said looking angry. Great, now he had pissed off/hurt his two best friends because he didn't want to be separated from the man he loved. "Do you have a problem with Omi's plan Aya?" Youji growled. Aya looked be tween the three of them before shrugging. "Of course _you_ don't have anything to say." Youji shook his head. "Fucking ice queen." He muttered under his breath. Aya blinked at the comment, but didn't speak.

"Ken, I really need your help with Aoi." Omi sat next to him on the coach. "I think you need this too." He leaned closer and whispered his next words. "He's broken Ken, you need to save your heart for someone else." Ken nodded his understanding. He didn't question how Omi knew his feelings. The chibi had always been more perceptive than him and the others. Omi also had a point. Ken needed to get past his unrequited feelings for a man who was incapable of feeling anything.

* * *

Aya felt as though he were drowning. Disbanded. New team. Snow. He stared at the ground struggling to keep his emotions in check. Not now. He couldn't do this now. Everything was falling apart. How was he supposed to lead a brand new team when he could barely function? His eyes searched Omi's face for some sign that he was kidding, but he was out of luck. Omi was dead set on this new course of action...and if he was going to be honest with himself, which he almost never was, Aya had actually seen this coming. Both Omi and Youji had been slowly drawing away from him as he had retreated further into his inner hell. Ken was the only one who seemed to still give a damn about him, but Aya could not open that door. The brunette looked so anguished as he sat with Omi on the couch. The petite blonde glanced up at Aya briefly before leaning in and whispering something in Ken's ear. When the brunette nodded in response and Omi glanced over at Aya again he knew. The circle was broken. In his mind someone screamed. Aya knew who it was and quietly retreated inward to slit the poor bastard's throat.

His inner world was a scary place to behold, but Aya was used to it. He stared up at the screaming part of him that was slowly being crucified. _Poor Ran_. He thought lifting his katana. _It was so nice of you to come out and play, but now its time for you to disappear...forever._ He stared up at the pathetic creature his lip curling. This was why Ran had created him. _He_ could handle the pain, the fear, the isolation...everything Ran couldn't. As he stepped towards his tortured inner self a thought occurred to him. If he killed that part of himself...what would he become? Aya shuddered and dropped the katana. Gently he took Ran down from the cross and carried him to an open grave that had appeared in the barren landscape of his soul. He carefully lowered the almost corpse into the ground then buried it. With that done he returned to the outside world his mind, slightly, more at peace.

Aya watched the three men that he had almost considered friends...one of them he had almost considered as more. They were now joking and laughing, ignoring him completely. There was so much that he wanted to tell them, but couldn't. The words just wouldn't come. He slowly turned and left the room. If he was going to make it on this new path that Omi had put him on he had preparations to make. He walked down the hall and into his room. There wasn't much to pack besides his clothes and weapons. Pulling a black duffel from beneath the bed he began the painful task of removing his existence from the lives of the only people he could trust. Briefly he wondered what his new team would be like, but decided that it didn't really matter.

As he lifted the last of his clothes out of the dresser a thin gold earring fell to the floor. The clothes dropped from suddenly numb fingers. Slowly he reached down to retrieve the only thing he had left of his sister. He ran his thumb over the name engraved on the back..._Aya._ As if in a dream he felt himself putting the earring through the almost closed hole in his ear. The weight of the gold comforted him. He had been planning on discarding her sweet name, but now he knew that he never could. He had taken her name to keep her alive, now he would keep it...to keep himself alive. He fingered the warm gold of the earring and took a deep breath. He would survive as he had always done since losing his family to Takatori. He would close himself off from the others and kill again and again until he had destroyed the evil men of this world. As long as he kept the part of him that was Ran safely locked away and buried he would be fine. He wouldn't be happy, but he didn't deserve to be...did he?


	2. Betrayal

Chapter Two:

**Betrayal-Three Years Later**

Ken stared at the two men standing in the apartment he shared with his team. He hadn't seen Omi in person for a few years, not since a couple months after Weiss had been disbanded. Youji he had seen on a pretty regular basis since the tall blonde was his liaison to Omi. He and his Aoi team worked in the Crescent Cafe beneath the apartment they shared for their cover. He had no idea where Aya was or what his team's cover was, but he thought about it often. Despite the almost four years of separation he was still deeply in love with the swordsman. He constantly worried if Aya was ok. He hoped Omi and Youji weren't about to tell him that Aya was dead. The three of them were alone in the living room after Omi had asked his teammates to leave. "What's going on?" Ken asked finally, dreading the answer.

"Abyssinian has gone rogue." Omi said quietly. Ken's eyes widened in shock.

"What are you talking about?"

"During his last mission two of the members of his team were killed. The third barely escaped with his life. He is in critical condition at one of our hospitals. When he was found he was only able to tell us of Abyssinian's betrayal before losing consciousness." Youji held out a disc. "This is the only bit of security footage we could salvage from the building where the mission took place." Ken snatched the disc from his friend and ran to the computer. He opened the video from the disc and watched in horror as a redheaded swordsman slaughtered a man and a woman. "The two he just killed were Ocelot and Lynx. Mau is the one who survived." Ken watched the clip jump to a second scene where Aya sliced up the back of a man. The blow sent the man flying out of a broken window. On screen Aya ran to the window and leaped out then the screen went black. Ken bit his lip, something wasn't adding up.

"Are you sure it was Aya who attacked first?" He asked turning to face them. Omi and Youji shared a look. "I thought you trusted Aya."

"I...used to." Omi took a deep breath. "He's different now."

"Different how?" Ken asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

"Its hard to explain, but in his last few missions some innocent bystanders were killed. In his report they aren't mentioned, but I spoke to Mau and he informed me that it was Aya who had killed them."

"No." Ken shook his head. "Aya wouldn't do that. He doesn't kill without a reason."

"I wish that were still true-"

"Omi, you gave him that team because you trusted him right?"

"Yes, but-"

"Did you trust the other members?"

"Not at the time, but-"

"What makes you believe them over what you know about Aya?" Ken knelt in front of Omi so that they were eye to eye. "I know you have a lot on your plate Omi. I know running Kritiker is hard and its difficult to know who to trust. I trust _my_ team, but you _know_ Aya doesn't trust anyone except you, me, and Youji." Ken stood. "I'll find Aya for you. Just don't believe everything Mau tells you...or that video. You have no evidence of who started what."

"How will you find him?" Youji asked, a frown marring his handsome brow.

"I think I know where he may have gone, if I'm wrong then I'll keep looking." Ken shrugged. "Look into what really happened to the bystanders. I don't trust whoever this Mau is. I know Aya can be cold and distant, but his moral compass isn't that much different from ours. Even at his darkest he's never gone off script. You owe it to Aya to not jump to conclusions."

"You're right." Omi heaved a great sigh. "I don't know why I thought..." He trailed off with a frown. "I need to look into this."

"I'll help you." Youji smiled putting an arm around the small blonde's shoulders. Ken smiled inwardly. _Looks like the two of them finally got together_, he mused. After talking for a bit more his two friends left to talk to the rest of Aoi. Ken went to his room to get ready. He hadn't lied to Youji when he'd said he thought he knew where Aya had gone. There was only one place he could think of that the redhead might go to. It wouldn't be his sister's grave. That was too obvious and out in the open. Ken pulled on his bugnuks, grabbed a bag that had some clothes and a first aid kit in it then ran to his car. It would take him a few hours, but soon he would see the man of his dreams.

Ken stared up at the boarded windows of the last place he had called home. It was the only place he'd ever been happy. The Koneko stood abandoned looking in front of him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and went into the alley. His eyes widened in shock. The door into the apartment was hanging open and there was blood smeared across the front of it. Ken forgot everything else and ran inside. Aya was hurt! As he searched the empty rooms something nagged at his brain. Something important. It wasn't until the cold steel touched his throat that he remembered. _Oh yeah, Aya gets pissy when he's hurt._ "Aya?" Ken's voice cracked. "Its just me, just Ken." The katana at his throat didn't move. He tried turning, but the steel tightened against his throat.

"Don't move." A deep voice hissed in his ear. Aya's voice was rough and sounded tired, but it was his. Ken closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Under the smell of blood he caught Aya's unique scent. The one that had always made the brunette dizzy with want.

"Aya, how bad are you hurt?"

"Hn." Was the only response Ken got before something crashed into the side of his head. Everything went black. The next thing he knew he was waking up tied to a chair. He shook his head to clear the fog before taking in his surroundings. There was blood everywhere and surgical equipment. He caught sight of Aya standing with his back to a mirror stitching up a rather nasty looking gash on his shoulder blade.

"I could've helped you with that you know." Ken frowned. Aya's amethyst eyes met his in the mirror. Ken felt his blood freeze at what he saw there. There was no warmth, no light...just nothing. They were completely empty of anything that could even remotely resemble any kind of emotion. It made him wonder if maybe he had been wrong and the others...no. He wouldn't think like that. Ken shook his head as Aya returned to his stitching. The brunette took that opportunity to look him over. Aya had gotten thinner and there were ugly gashes all up his arms and on his back. All the ones Ken could see had already been stitched up, and there was something odd about them...as though they had been deliberately placed. They weren't random defensive wounds. The more Ken saw the more he knew. He didn't have to see the marks around Aya's wrists to know that he had been tortured. "Did Mau do that to you?" The brunette asked quietly. A look of surprise flickered briefly across Aya's face, so fast that Ken almost missed it.

"Hn." The redhead grunted. Ken let his head fall back against the chair. In that moment Ken was able to see the marks for what they were. Whip marks. He gasped his eyes widening.

"What the hell did they do to you?!" Ken struggled against his bonds. Aya turned to face him, his face expressionless...eyes empty. It was almost like looking at a corpse, which frightened Ken. He began to cry. Those bastards. He knew just one person couldn't have done this to Aya. It had to have been more...and Ken hadn't been there for him. As Aya walked towards him Ken could see more whip marks, ones that were already in the process of healing and ones that were now just scars. Ken sobbed. He had let this happen. Omi and Youji had let this happen. They had turned their backs on Aya and the swordsman was the one who had paid the price. "I'm so sorry Aya." Ken whispered. "I let this happen to you, I wasn't-" A stinging pain on his cheek made him look up. Aya had slapped him?

"Stop." Aya said harshly. That's when Ken saw the bite marks on his chest and neck. His eyes widened in dawning horror.

"Did they r-" A hand silenced him, covering his mouth. Aya's face was inches from his.

"Don't." The swordsman hissed. Ken shook him off, suddenly angry.

"Stop what? Don't what?" He spat. "Will you please talk in complete sentences for God's sake?!" Aya straightened and moved away from him to rummage in a black duffel bag. For a split second Ken thought he was going to get tortured, but Aya just pulled out some clothes and left the room.

* * *

He'd seen. He knows. Aya felt panic flutter in his chest as he stood in the shower and washed the blood from his body. When it had been happening Aya hadn't been able to bring himself to care, but now...he didn't want that pity. He didn't want to feel as dirty as he did in that moment. Like his very soul was tainted and he would never be clean. Aya shook his head and turned off the water. He couldn't stay here. Ken had already found him and he had no idea what do do with the brunette. He couldn't kill him...he could _never_ bring himself to kill Ken. A part of him loved the older man. A part of him that was buried very, _very_ deep...at least that's what he kept telling himself anyway. Seeing Ken now after three years of hell was a balm on his very soul. He touched the golden earring hanging from his lobe. At least he'd managed to hang onto it through everything.

Aya quickly got dressed and returned to where he'd left Ken. He hated seeing him tied up, but Aya wasn't sure who's side Ken was on at the moment. He had to find that out before he could free him. It hurt to talk though, so it would have to wait. He'd disabled all Ken's devices so that no one could track him here, but if Ken had found him this quickly then it was only a matter of time until the others did. He had to find a safer place and now he had to decide if he was going to leave Ken or take him along.

"So what now Aya?" Ken asked. There was anger in his brown eyes. "You going to kill me?" Aya shook his head. "You going to torture me for information?" Aya didn't even dignify that with a response. His throat felt like it was on fire so he knew his vocal cords were damaged. To what extent he had no idea. Talking was out of the question. Not that Aya had ever been much of a conversationalist, but it was frustrating to not be able to say what he wanted, like _I love you please don't look at me like that._ Well even if his voice worked he wouldn't have been able to say it. He decided to just ignore Ken for now. He started putting his stuff back into the duffel When he saw the syringe in the first aid kit he knew what he was going to do. With his back to Ken he carefully filled it with a powerful sedative then walked over to Ken, hiding it behind his back. Ken watched him warily. "What are you doing?" Aya stared into his eyes for a long moment. They were beautiful...Ken's eyes. So full of warmth. Aya gave into the weakness within him and pressed his lips to the brunette's. Ken gasped in surprise his mouth opening. Aya plunged his tongue into the sweet depth. Ken tasted of coffee and mint. Aya took the syringe and slid it into Ken's arm. The older man flinched then began to struggle. Aya pulled away wishing he could voice the words he wanted to say. He dropped the syringe relaxing into the warmth of Ken's chest. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "Aya?" Ken's voice slurred his name. Aya just listened to the beat of his heart slow. When Ken went limp he stood and untied the older man. He wanted Ken with him.

* * *

Ken woke tied to a different chair in a different room. He groaned as he lifted his head to look around. Aya sat on the floor a little ways away from him bent over a laptop. As Ken stared at him he remembered the kiss. His face flushed and he quickly looked away from his love. What did that kiss mean? He could remember Aya leaning against him, his head against the brunette's chest. What was going on? He chanced a glance at Aya to see that the man had moved and was nowhere in sight. "Aya?" He asked looking around warily. "What are you doing?" Aya came back into view carrying a notepad and pen. Ken looked up at him in confusion. _You thirsty? _Was written on the pad Aya held out to him. Ken nodded. Aya dropped the notepad onto the bed and disappeared again. He was back a minute later with a bottle of water and a protein bar. After helping him drink Aya held up the protein bar. "No thanks." Ken replied to the unasked question. Aya shrugged then ate it himself, washing it down with the rest of the water from the bottle. Ken noticed he winced slightly with each swallow. "Aya, what's going on? Why am I tied up?" Aya grabbed the pen and pad.

_I don't want to fight you._ Ken stared at the written reply for a moment before sighing.

"I don't want to fight you either Aya, and that doesn't answer my question. Why am I tied up?" Ken almost laughed as Aya let out a huff of frustration and began writing again. He couldn't remember a time when he had found the swordsman more adorable than he did in that moment.

_What will you do if I untie you?_ Ken pondered the question for a moment.

"If you untie me we can have this conversation like two civilized adults." Ken replied. Aya snorted. "Look Aya, I don't know what the hell is going on. All I do know is that Omi and Youji came by and told me you'd gone rogue. Mau survived your attempt to kill him and has been saying that you've killed innocent bystanders on missions. I offered to find you on the condition that they wouldn't trust what Mau said and investigate those deaths more carefully. They agreed." Ken took a deep breath and continued. "I thought you might go back to the Koneko because that's where I'd go. I never wanted to fight you, I was only looking for answers. What I found was a man I consider one of my friends who had been tortured and rap-" With a barely audible cry Aya lunged forward clapping a hand over Ken's mouth. That was when Ken saw the marks around Aya's neck. Thin bruises crisscrossed the skin. Bruises that looked like they could have been made by a wire weapon similar to Youji's. Ken knew if it had been Youji's weapon Aya wouldn't have a head. Aya glared at him and shook his head fiercely. So he was in the denial stage. Ken sighed behind the swordsman's cold hand then noticed that Aya was straddling his lap. The brunette shifted uncomfortably. As much as he wanted Aya he didn't want to get a hard on while he was tied up and at the younger man's mercy. He knew Aya could be vindictive and if he felt Ken was getting turned on he would react in one of two ways. He'd either be disgusted or he'd kill Ken outright. There was a third reaction Ken thought of, but he didn't think Aya would do that. The swordsman wasn't a dick tease like some people. After glaring for a few more seconds Aya let go and climbed off his lap. "So are you going to untie me or what?" Ken asked. "This is getting really uncomfortable." Aya frowned at the ties binding Ken to the chair. "I won't hurt you, I swear." Ken really wanted to get this point through the swordsman's head. Aya sighed then pulled a knife from his pocket and cut away the ties around Ken's wrists and ankles then backed away as the brunette stood. Ken carefully massaged feeling back into his hands then his feet. Aya watched him warily. "Has it really been so long that you don't trust me anymore? Ken asked sadly. Aya shrugged picking up his pad and pen.

_I don't know who to trust anymore._ He wrote. Ken walked slowly towards him holding out his hands. Aya backed away until he hit the wall. Ken stopped quickly so that his friend wouldn't feel trapped and lash out.

"Aya...I trust you." Ken said carefully. "I know you don't kill people unless you have a reason. Omi needs to know what happened so he can put Mau in a body bag."

_But he put me with them in the first place._ Aya wrote quickly and held up the notepad like a shield.

"I don't think Omi would have put you with them if he knew what they were like." Ken replied. "He wouldn't do that to you. What he wanted was another strong team to take out the bad guys. He didn't know your team was already full of them." Aya hands began to shake. Ken gently took the pad and set it on the floor. He then wrapped his hands around Aya's and pulled him towards him. The swordsman balked at first but when Ken's arms surrounded him he seemed to melt a little. He was still tense, but not like the first time Ken had given him a hug. "Nothing that happened is your fault you know?" Ken whispered stroking the younger man's crimson hair. "I know you don't want to talk about it, and I wont force you." He said quickly as Aya tensed. "I just want you to know that its not your fault." Aya stayed tense so Ken sighed and let go of him. "How's your throat?" Aya shrugged. "Does it hurt to talk?" The swordsman nodded. Ken picked up the notepad and handed it to him. Aya's hand trembled slightly as he took it making Ken want to hold him again. Hold him and never let go. "I need to call Omi or he's going to come looking and when they find all the blood at the Koneko and neither of us there they'll think the worst." Aya nodded then walked over to a briefcase and pulled out a phone. "Does it have a scrambler?" Aya nodded then walked over to the bed and curled up into a ball in the very middle of it. Ken's heart went out to him and he wanted nothing more than to go lay with him, but he had to make this call first. He dialed Omi's private line. The blonde picked up on the first ring. "Omi, its Ken."

"Oh thank God!" His friend exclaimed. "Are you ok? There was a lot of blood at the old place."

"I'm fine, not a scratch on me." Ken replied. He glanced at Aya who hadn't moved. He went over to a window on the opposite side of the room, which turned out to be a door that led onto a small outdoor balcony. Ken slipped outside closing the door behind him. "Aya's hurt pretty bad Omi."

"What?!" Omi cried. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know yet, I mean he'll live, but..." Ken trailed of not knowing how to continue. "They tortured him Omi, and not just once. There's scars all over him from whips and teeth and I think they raped him." He said the last part as quiet as he could so that Aya wouldn't hear. "I don't know what this Mau told you but the guys needs to be in a body bag" Omi was quiet for a long time before Ken heard him begin to sob quietly and Youji came on the line.

"What happened?" The older man asked quietly. Ken repeated what he'd told Omi. Youji swore. "I knew something was wrong with them I just couldn't figure it out. Why didn't he tell me?"

"He can't talk Youji." Ken sighed. "He tried at first but his throat is damaged. I don't know how long its been that way."

"So how are you communicating with him?"

"Pen and paper."

"You're with him?" Youji asked in surprise.

"Yeah." Ken laughed. "He kind of kidnapped me."

"What?!"

"I'll explain more later, but I need to get off the line now."

"Wait. Mau is gone. He left the hospital as soon as he woke up and learned we were looking for Aya, not putting a hit on him." Youji swore again. "Take care of him Ken and bring him in if you can. We don't want anything more to happen."

"Ok." Ken replied and hung up. Mau was free. _Shit_. Ken walked back into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Aya was sleeping. The brunette smiled softly and reached down to stroke the younger man's crimson hair. Aya whimpered and turned away. Ken felt his heart twinge. How could this have happened? How could they have abandoned Aya like this? He knew what Omi was going through right now. The young leader of Kritiker had put Aya on that team. Ken didn't know the reasoning behind the decision, but he knew the little blonde was blaming himself. Ken hated that he hadn't stood his ground to keep Weiss from being disbanded.

Aya sat up suddenly startling Ken. The redhead's amethyst eyes were wide and his head was cocked as if listening. Ken listened hard, but couldn't hear anything. "Aya?" The swordsman held a finger to his lips then slipped from the bed and ghosted across the room. He moved with a grace Ken envied. He watched Aya lift his katana. That was when Ken heard the scraping. It sounded like someone was trying to pick the lock. Suddenly there was a burst of drunken laughter from the other side of the door.

"This is the wrong room baby." A woman giggled. "Your key won't fit."

"I'll show you how it fits." A man laughed. Then they were gone, stumbling loudly down the hall. Ken relaxed, but Aya still seemed wary. After almost ten minutes Aya finally put his sword away. He picked up the notepad and wrote down a message.

_We aren't safe here. What did Omi say?_

"Not much, he broke down on the phone." Ken replied with a sigh. "Youji asked me to bring you in, but only if you want to." He added quickly when Aya's eyes narrowed. "He wants us safe." Ken took a deep breath then dropped the bomb. "Mau left the hospital. He's free." Aya stared at him. His breathing had stopped. "Aya?" Ken started walking towards him. He saw the redhead's eyes roll back then he collapsed on the floor. "AYA!"


	3. The Truth Hurts

Chapter Three:

**The Truth Hurts**

Aya opened his eyes slowly. He was no longer in the hotel. He kept still and looked around carefully. Where the hell was he? He wasn't tied down, and this room wasn't in a hospital. When he saw Ken sleeping in a chair next to him he relaxed. The brunette must have brought him somewhere safe. His bandages had been changed and his throat felt a lot better. Ken stirred slightly then opened his eyes. "Thank God." Ken exclaimed. "When you passed out like that I didn't know what to do."

"Where am I?" Aya asked. His voice came out in a rasp, but at least it didn't hurt as bad.

"I had to bring you to a doctor." Ken shifted uncomfortably. "Your stitches opened and you know I can't-"

"Where am I?" Aya repeated.

"My room." Ken flinched away from the glare Aya leveled at him. "I didn't know where else to bring you, Aya! You were bleeding so I brought you to the safest place I could think of. Dr. Nakamura stitched you back up and drained the blood that was making your throat hurt and-" Aya held up a hand cutting him off mid-sentence. The brunette meant well and he didn't have the same paranoia Aya was plagued with.

"Who knows I'm here?" Aya asked quietly.

"Just me, Omi and Youji. My team hasn't been informed yet." Aya frowned he didn't know if he wanted Aoi to know where he was. Ken sighed. "I trust them Aya. We've been working together for three years. Its not as fun as when I was with Weiss, but I know they can be trusted."

"I-" Aya cut off as the door to Ken's bedroom opened and Omi and Youji walked in. It was obvious Omi had been crying. Aya ground his teeth. Ken had told them he'd been tortured and raped. That was obvious by how subdued the pair were. He recalled the last time he'd seen Youji. The older man had been berating him for being so cold to his new team. The truth hurts.

"Aya. I'm so sorry." Omi whispered walking up to the edge of the bed. "If I'd known they would-"

"Don't." Aya growled glaring up at him. Ken sighed.

"Full sentences please Aya." The brunette just smiled as Aya turned the glare on him.

"Fine." The swordsman spat. "I don't want your fucking pity. I want Mau's head-" His voice failed him then and he sighed in frustration.

"Its not pity that I'm feeling." Omi said quietly sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Its regret, guilt, sorrow, and a whole lot of other things, but never pity Aya." His soft blue eyes caught and held Aya's. "You're so much stronger than I am. I honestly don't know how you survived what they did to you, but I'm happy that you did. We will find Mau and we will kill him." His eyes were full of conviction. "I'm sorry that I ever doubted you Aya. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

"So am I" Youji and Ken spoke at the same time. Aya looked at the three of them and not for the first time wished that Weiss was still together. If they had never parted ways none of this shit would be happening. If he had spoken up and said that he didn't want to be sent away he never would have been... Aya closed his eyes and turned away from their concerned, sympathetic faces. He thought he'd closed off the part of himself that felt anything, but he could feel it, feel _him_, trying to claw its way out of the dark recesses of his mind. Ran was screaming...always screaming even when Aya couldn't make a sound. The tears were threatening to come again, but Aya wouldn't let them. He wouldn't cry. He didn't really know how anymore. He didn't know how to feel. Inside he was dead. They didn't understand that he didn't care about what his team had done, he'd been through worse...much worse at the hands of Takatori. He'd never told them about that though. He'd never talked about his past. He wanted to kill Mau for what he'd done, but he...oh who was he kidding. He hated it. Hated every bit of what they had done to him. What he couldn't do was let his feelings out. They had been buried with Ran for so long that he was terrified of what would happen if he let them out. Aya flinched as someone took his hand and opened his eyes to find Omi watching him with tears in his eyes.

"We won't let that bastard hurt you again." He said sincerely. _What about in my nightmares_? Aya wanted to ask him, but his voice was still refusing to cooperate. "I know this is hard for you, but if you can talk to someone about it-" Aya shook his head snatching his hand out of Omi's grip. The blonde just sighed sadly. "Someday you're going to need to talk about it Aya. Otherwise its going to kill you." _It already has_. Aya thought. _You just can't see that I'm dead_.

"Omi..." Youji whispered. The petite blonde smiled up at his lover.

"We should go, Aya needs rest." Omi rose his smile fading. "Sleep Aya, you're safe here." Aya watched them leave then looked over at Ken who was staring at his hands.

"He's right you know." The brunette said quietly. Aya just stared at him...he had nothing to throw. "I'm not ever going to force you to talk about it, but if you ever need to I'm here for you." Ken finally looked up. His brown eyes were so full of warmth and compassion that Aya had to look away. He reached up to touch his earring and froze. It was gone. "Aya?" He couldn't breathe. What was going on? Where was the earring? He stared wide eyed at Ken but he couldn't speak. He couldn't tell Ken what he wanted...what he needed. Comprehension dawned on the brunette's face. "Its right here Aya. Doc had to take it off to work on your neck." He snatched something off his nightstand and pressed it into Aya's hand. The earring. Aya's hand tightened into a fist around it. He knew he lacked the dexterity to put it back in at the moment, but he needed to feel its weight. "Do you want me to-" Aya nodded before Ken could finish and opened his hand. The brunette gently took the earring and leaned forward. His fingers were soft and warm against Aya's skin as he placed the earring back where it belonged. "I forgot about it." Ken whispered.

"S'okay." Aya managed to croak.

"Why did you kiss me Aya?" The whispered words froze Aya's blood. He turned to find his face inches from Ken's. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. He was mesmerized by the look in Ken's eyes. Then the brunette was closing the distance between them. For Aya it was an agonizing moment until Ken's lips met his. Aya gasped at the warmth that flooded through him at the contact. Ken's tongue slipped through his lips igniting a fire in his blood. He'd been so cold for so long, but now his body was burning. He moaned brokenly reaching up to pull the brunette closer. His fingers tangle in the soft curls of Ken's hair. This was why he had kissed Ken. He needed the other man's warmth...his love...everything. He needed Ken. For so long he'd been denying his feelings for the older man, but no longer. He couldn't push him away. Ken broke away from him suddenly and they both gasped for air. "Aya." Ken whispered.

"Don't leave me." The words left Aya's lips before he could stop them. He sounded broken...and he was. Ken's eyes widened then filled with tears.

"Never Aya." He murmured. "I won't ever leave you again. I love you."

* * *

He'd finally said it. Ken watched Aya's eyes go wide. Deep in the amethyst orbs Ken saw a flicker of emotion. So he said those words again. "I love you Aya. I have for a long time, but I was afraid to tell you." Aya seemed frozen beneath him...locked in place. "Please say something." Aya didn't move. Didn't blink. "Aya?" Ken gently took the younger man's face in his hands. "Baby?" A blink. Well that was something. Maybe he didn't like pet names. "Ran?" Well that got a reaction. Aya jerked away from him.

"No." The redhead hissed. "I'm not him. I killed him." Definitely the wrong thing to call him. Ken winced.

"I'm sorry Aya." He soothed stroking the younger man's hair. Aya relaxed slightly. Ken bit his lip with worry. Something was definitely wrong with Aya and he couldn't blame it all on Mau or the other members of Yuki. There was something in Aya that had been broken long before they had ever gotten a hold of him. Ken was only seeing it for the first time. Aya's mask was beginning to crack.

"He's gone...dead."

"Ok." Ken said calmly. "Its okay, Aya."

"No its not." Aya looked at him with dull eyes. Calling him Ran had definitely been the wrong thing to do. The emotion Ken had seen earlier was gone. There were no traces left in those dark violet orbs. Ken mentally kicked himself. "Ken?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm dead." Aya looked up at him his face blank.

"No, you aren't."

"But I'm so cold." Aya's eyelids drooped. Ken caressed the side of his face feeling the chill in the other man's skin. "Why are you so warm?" Aya whispered his eyes closing as he leaned into Ken's touch. Ken tried to hold back the tears but they came anyway, spilling down his cheeks. Aya's breathing evened out as he fell asleep. Ken put his face in his hands and sobbed quietly. He'd never known how much pain Aya was in. The swordsman had always been their stoic leader. Nothing could ruffle his feathers. No wound could keep him down for long. Ken knew if he himself had gone through what Aya had he would not have survived. It would have completely broken him to the point where he would have killed himself to get away from the pain. A strange sound coming from the redhead next to him made him raise his head. What he saw broke his heart. Aya's sleeping face was contorted in fear and pain. His mouth was open in a scream, but no sound issued forth and his body writhed and strained against unseen bonds.

"Aya!" Ken cried taking the younger man by the shoulders. As soon as he touched Aya the man's eyes shot open and his emotionless mask slammed back into place. His breathing was still erratic as he turned dull amethyst eye to meet Ken's. The brunette stared into his eyes for a long moment before giving into his instincts. Very slowly he crawled onto the bed and wrapped his arms around his dear friend. "Sleep." He whispered. "I'll keep the nightmares at bay." Aya lay stiff in his arms staring stolidly at his chest. His breathing was back under control, but he was still not relaxed. The only time he seemed to do that was when Ken kissed him, but the brunette wasn't sure if he should do that right now. Suddenly Aya began to tremble in his arms. "Aya?"

"I can't." The redhead gasped his fingers gripped the front of Ken's shirt as his body shook. Ken held him tighter.

"Can't what Aya?"

"You're so damn warm, I can't-" He broke off.

"Please Aya, I don't understand." Ken kissed the younger man's forehead causing Aya to gasp. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Feel." Aya whispered. "Its too much...I can't..." His fingers tightened their hold as he gasped for air. Ken didn't know what to do, nor did he understand what his friend was going through. Was he hurting Aya? He started to pull away, but Aya wouldn't let go. "No." The redhead whimpered trembling harder. "Don't leave."

"I won't leave Aya. I thought I was hurting you." Ken pulled him closer. "I don't know what to do. I don't know if you're scared, or in pain, or..." He trailed off not knowing what else to say.

"I'm cold." Aya whispered. "So cold." The redhead wasn't lying. He felt like an ice cube in Ken's arms. The brunette leaned down and pressed his lips to Aya's. He would do anything to stop the redhead's trembling. Aya went still immediately, his body relaxing. Then slowly, as the kiss deepened, it began to mold itself to him. Ken moaned softly as their bodies made contact and his arms tightened around Aya. The swordsman's arms slipped up around his neck. God he loved this man. He wished he had said so sooner. Maybe then they wouldn't have been apart for so long. He pulled back slowly to gasp for air as Aya clung to him. He looked down into Aya's eyes and deep in their depths he saw emotions swirling. It wasn't enough to make them look alive, but it was something. He bent his neck and kissed Aya's throat making the younger man inhale sharply lean his head back. Ken kissed every bruise and mark he could see leaving Aya breathless and writhing beneath him.

"Am I hurting you?" Ken asked quietly. Aya shook his head, his eyes tightly closed. He looked exhausted. Ken kissed his lips softly. "I love you." He whispered. Aya's eyes shot open. There was a small spark of light in the amethyst depths that was so beautiful to Ken. He tried to imagine what Aya would look like if he were happy, but couldn't. He wished desperately that he could bring the life back into those eyes completely, because even now that small spark was fading and Aya was looking away from him.

"Why?" Ken almost didn't hear the younger man's question. It surprised him. Why? There were so many reasons.

"Where do I start?" Ken smiled. "I've always felt safe with you. Even on missions, I knew that if you were there I'd be ok. I've always cared about you, but I knew it was love a long time ago. I fell asleep with my head on your leg. When I woke up you were reading a book and stroking my hair. I don't know why, but it made me feel warm inside. Like I was wanted and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. I was too scared to tell you how I felt because I thought you would pull away from me. I didn't want that." He looked down at Aya. "I also think you're beautiful."

"I'm not." Aya shook his head. Ken chuckled.

"I think you are. I also think you're intelligent, strong and in a whole lot of pain." He smiled sadly as Aya looked away. "I want to take away your pain. I want to keep you safe, here in my arms." He kissed the redhead's pale cheek. Aya closed his eyes with a shiver and moved closer to the brunette. For some weird reason he didn't seem to be warming up at all. His body was still cold. Ken rubbed his back gently. "You should get some more sleep Aya. I promise to stay right here." Aya nodded and buried his face in Ken's chest. Ken waited for the nightmares to begin again, but this time the swordsman's body was completely relaxed, his breathing slow and even. Ken smiled closing his eyes. He really could keep the nightmares away.

* * *

Aya opened his eyes to find himself staring at Ken's chest. The brunette had kept his promise. Did Ken really love him? He said he did, but Aya wasn't sure how anyone could love him. He knew he was cold, rude, and an asshole most of the time. He remembered the moment Ken had been talking about when he said he'd fallen in love. Aya hadn't realized Ken had been awake. What he remembered was falling asleep in the chair while Ken played video games. He'd woken up to moans of fear and a soft, warm weight on his thigh. He'd looked down to find Ken's sleeping head on his leg. The brunette had been having a nightmare, but as soon as Aya had touched his hair he had relaxed. In surprise Aya had taken his hand away, which had made Ken cry out softly. The swordsman hadn't liked seeing Ken afraid so he had tentatively run his fingers through the older man's soft brown curls. Ken had immediately relaxed so Aya kept stroking his hair. He'd found it rather soothing actually. He now felt slightly embarrassed that Ken had been awake and was glad the brunette hadn't confessed his love back then. Aya knew that back then he wouldn't have accepted it. As he was now he still didn't know if he could, but he wasn't going to run like he would have all those years ago.

"I remember." He said softly reaching up to touch the little hairs on Ken's chest that he could see. The brunette's shirt had come open during the night. The last time Aya had seen it he had been stitching up a gaping wound on Ken's shoulder. He could see part of the scar that was left over and trailed his fingers up to it.

"Remember what?" Ken asked startling Aya. He heard Ken laugh softly before soft lips captured his. Heat flowed into him. Aya moaned opening his mouth to the tongue that was sliding over his lips. As it delved into his mouth he felt his groin harden. _Interesting_. He thought. He was _not_ ignorant about sex. He had just never experienced pleasant sensations from any kind of intimacy before. Last night when Ken had been kissing him he had been to overwhelmed by the warmth Ken was giving him to get turned on, but now he felt his body responding in a way that scared him a little. "Your fingers were driving me crazy." Ken whispered after breaking the kiss to get some air. Aya could only stare up into his dark brown eyes. He could see the desire in them, but somehow it was different from what he had seen in the men and women who'd raped him over the years. It didn't scare him at all. Even Ken's erection didn't scare him. Aya could feel it against his leg, but it didn't bother him. Why was that? He'd always hated sex, why was his body seeming to want it? Hadn't he been hurt enough? That was when he realized the reason he wasn't scared. He felt safe in Ken's arms and he knew the older man would never do anything to hurt him intentionally. Aya knew that when Ken realized his erection was resting against Aya's leg he would pull away and blush. Aya looked up as Ken suddenly moved away his face red. The warm hardness against his leg disappeared. "Sorry I-" Aya kissed him then took Ken's hand and placed it against his own erection to show him that he wasn't alone. Ken's eyes widened and he gasped into Aya's mouth. Aya took that opportunity to slip his tongue into Ken's warmth. After a moment he pulled away and let go of Ken's wrist. He let his head fall against the brunette's with a sigh. If he wasn't so sore he would have wanted to have sex with the older man. When Ken slowly began to massage his groin he gasped softly and arched into the touch. Why did it have to feel so good? Why wasn't his mind screaming at him to run? Ken leaned down and Aya met his lips eagerly. How could an act that he had hated for so long feel so right? It must be because it was Ken touching him. Ken kissing him and making him feel safe and loved and wanted. He groaned as Ken's tongue invaded his mouth. He gave into the warm feelings flooding through him. "Do I need to stop?" Ken gasped breaking away for air.

"I want you..." Aya's voice failed him. He tried hard to speak the words, but no sound came out. His breath whistled and caught in his throat making him cough. Ken immediately backed off and helped him sit up. The hacking coughs racked his body for what seemed like hours then the blood came. He tasted it in the back of his throat before it came spurting through his lips.

"Shit!" Ken exclaimed. He disappeared from the room. Aya felt a scream start somewhere in his mind. He would never voice it, but he could feel the walls between him and Ran cracking. He could do nothing but cough up blood on Ken's pristine white sheets. There was no way the blood would ever come out completely. _Out, out damned spot._ He thought hysterically. Aya knew he was losing his grip on reality. He was one step away from being a gibbering madman locked in a small white room. _No. _He snarled at Ran. _We will not break._ The screaming quieted, but that was because Ken came running back into the room. "Doc is on his way." He said breathlessly. Aya felt a warm, wet cloth wiping at his face. "Just hold on Aya." The swordsman wanted to tell Ken not to worry, but he couldn't speak. Eventually the coughing stopped. Aya's breath rattled in his chest telling him there was still a lot of fluid in them. His throat felt raw and he wanted a drink of water, but Nakamura chose that moment to rush in. He carried a bag in one hand. Behind him came a large man Aya had never seen before carrying an oxygen tank. Aya watched him warily as Ken moved so that Nakamura could examine the wheezing swordsman. The large stranger felt eyes on him and looked up. Dark green eyes filled with concern met Aya's.

"You want me to leave?" He asked. His voice was deep and had a comforting rumbling quality to it. Aya wanted to ask who he was. He was a stranger and Aya didn't like strangers. He refused to feel frightened or intimidated. He just watched the man's every move as Nakamura first listened to his breathing then to his heart. When the doctor touched his neck a white hot pain flared and without thinking Aya slapped his hand away.

"Did that hurt?" Nakamura asked shaking his stinging fingers. Aya didn't take his eyes off the large stranger by the door as he nodded once. "Ok. Well there is a lot of blood still in your lungs kid. I can either drain it at the hospital or you can wait for it to go away and risk more coughing fits like the one you just had. Your throat is swollen and inflamed and your heart is fine." Aya looked at him sharply when he mentioned the hospital. "No hospital, gotcha." Nakamura reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of pills. "I suspected you would not want to leave here so I brought you some pain killers and heavy duty anti-inflammatory meds. You need to get lots of rest and refrain from trying to speak. It will only aggravate your throat." Nakamura rose placing the bottles of pills on the nightstand next to him. "I will also leave the oxygen with you in case of another coughing fit." He turned to Ken and began explaining how to use it. Aya returned to watching the stranger who was watching him. There was a look of curiosity and awe in his eyes. When the doctor was finished Ken walked with him to the door. "Thank you for carrying the tank Daisuke." Nakamura clapped the big man on the shoulder then left.

"Is there anything more I can do Ken-dono?" The man named Daisuke asked.

"Can you grab some new sheets for the bed?" Ken asked glancing back at Aya. "I don't want to leave him alone." The big man nodded smiling happily and left the room. Ken walked back to the bed. "You feeling okay?" He asked worriedly. Aya shrugged. He felt drained and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but he was covered in blood and uncomfortable. Ken reached into a bowl of water Aya hadn't noticed before and grabbed a washcloth. Very gently he began cleaning the blood from Aya's skin. The swordsman wished it was that easy to cleanse the blood from his soul. He relaxed slightly as Ken continued his gentle ministrations. Daisuke returned just as Ken finished. His muscles tightened, ready for a fight, but Daisuke only handed the bedding to Ken and left again closing the door behind him. "I know he's huge, but he's a big teddy bear at heart." Ken said with a laugh. "He's the only one on my team that looks intimidating." Aya wondered who the other members were and what they looked like as Ken helped him to the chair. "I'll have this done in a minute then you can go back to sleep." The brunette said as he stripped the bloody sheets from the bed. Aya shrugged settling back into the chair as he watched Ken make the bed. He wished he was stronger. It didn't seem right to let Ken clean up the mess he had made. The brunette didn't seem to mind though, he was humming softly as he worked. Aya listened letting his eyes close. He drifted off to sleep listening to Ken's soothing voice.


	4. A Time To Heal

Chapter Four:

**A/N:** Just to forewarn y'all there is a rape scene in this chapter. It is near the end and is all in italics because it is Aya remembering some awful shit. Please skip that portion if it will make you uncomfortable.

I wish I knew what people thought of this story, but I'm used to not getting a lot of reviews. Hopefully y'all like this story. I will not beg for reviews like some people, but I would love some feedback whether its good or bad. Thanks for reading!

**A Time To Heal**-Three Months Later

Ken hated sending his team on missions without him, but someone had to stay with Aya, who had yet to leave Ken's room in the three months he'd been there. He was completely healed except for his throat and seemed to hate it when Ken left him alone for any length of time. He never said anything, but Ken could see the relief in his empty gaze whenever he returned to the room. The brunette wanted to kiss the younger man's fears away. He knew he couldn't though. He hadn't kissed Aya since he had that coughing fit. Every chance he got he told the redhead that he loved him, but it seemed as though Aya was believing him less and less. Lately he would just sit by the window in Ken's room and stare out at the sky. Ken wondered what was going through his mind. This wasn't the Aya he had always known and it was hard to see the usually strong man looking so broken.

After sending his team on their way he returned to his room to find it empty. He ran to the bathroom panic flaring in his chest, but Aya wasn't there either. "Aya!" He cried running from room to room. A familiar metallic clang reached his ears. Ken hurried towards the training room to find Aya attacking a practice dummy. "There you are." Ken sighed in relief. Aya only grunted in his usual way as he slit the dummy's throat. It was oddly comforting, that noncommittal grunt. "You okay?"

"Fine." Aya replied speaking for the first time in months as he mercilessly attacked the inanimate object in front of him. Ken threw his head back with a laugh. This was why he loved the swordsman. His violence was beautiful, elegant, and graceful. Small chips were flying from the wooden dummy at an alarming rate. Still chuckling Ken reached out to stop Aya before he broke his sword. In the time it took him to blink he was on his back on the floor with Aya straddling his chest and a sword at his throat. Aya's eyes blazed with a dark light that had Ken mesmerized. He licked his suddenly dry lips as Aya sat there breathing heavily and glaring down at him.

"Aya?" Ken squeaked as the swordsman leaned forward, the blade of his katana slid across the brunette's neck dangerously close to to his skin. Why this was making him hard he didn't think he would ever be able to explain.

"Looks like Aya has found a new plaything." A deep unfamiliar voice spoke from the doorway. The change that came over Aya was terrifying. Ken watched his eyes narrow to slits. The next second he was standing and ripping a guard from the blade of his katana. A guard Ken wished he had noticed before. He slowly got to his feet and turned to see who the intruder was. His blood froze. _Mau_. Omi had given them a photo so that they knew who to look for. Here was the man who had tortured and raped Aya and Ken was unarmed. Mau was disgustingly scarred all over his face and chest. From one hand there dangled a bladed whip. Without warning the man attacked, his whip coming straight at Ken's face. The brunette felt himself being roughly pushed aside. The end of the whip snapped around the neck of the practice dummy Aya had just been playing with. A dark chuckle came from Aya as he sliced through the whip. Ken sat frozen where he'd fallen watching the battle unfold. He had seen Aya fight before, but he'd never seen him toy with an unarmed opponent before. In a matter of seconds Mau was screaming obscenities and bleeding from over a dozen different cuts. "Stop moving you little slut." Mau swore grabbing Aya by the arm. In the next second his head was gone. Ken stared in shock as the hideous thing flew through the air and exploded against the far wall. Mau's body twitched before dropping to the floor. Aya stood over the corpse covered in blood. His eyes blazed in triumph. It was the most terrifyingly beautiful thing Ken had ever seen. He was about to speak when suddenly Aya screamed in anger and began hacking at Mau's corpse. Pieces of the body went flying.

"No!" Aya screamed again. "That was too easy of a death for you." Ken reacted without thinking. He got to his feet and grabbed the katana from Aya's hands, almost getting his own head cut off in the process. "Give it back." Aya snarled.

"He's dead Aya."

"No." The swordsman hissed shaking his head. "Not until I'm finished." Ken looked down at the bloody mess. He couldn't even tell that it had once been a person.

"Look at him Aya." Ken said calmly setting the sword down and turning Aya to look at the mutilated corpse. "There's nothing left." Aya nudged a mangled limb with his toe and mumbled something unintelligible. A commotion behind them had Aya spinning. In the blink of an eye he had the katana back in his hand and was preparing to attack. Ken turned quickly and wrapped his arms around the younger man before he could kill his team. Daisuke, Alanna, and Rika stood in the doorway staring at the sight in front of them. Rika looked very green. She wasn't used to seeing blood or corpses. Especially ones of Aya's design. "Alanna would you call Omi and tell him I need a clean up crew and that Mau has been eliminated. Aya cut that out." The swordsman was straining against Ken's hold his eyes gleaming with blood lust. "Babe, I need you to calm down ok?" Ken struggled to get the katana out of Aya's iron grip. Once he had it free he tossed it to the other side of the room. It landed next to what was left of Mau's head. Aya went deadly still in his arms.

"Give it back." He growled dangerously. Amethyst eyes glared up into Ken's.

"No Aya." Ken replied with a calm he didn't feel. "He's dead and you're safe now." The look in Aya's eyes hardened and he struggled harder against Ken's hold.

"Let go. I have to finish it."

"Finish what?!" Ken shouted. "He's in a million different pieces, look." He turned Aya so that the swordsman could see his handy work. "What more could you possibly do?"

"Burn it." Aya said simply. He'd stopped fighting though so Ken made the mistake of letting him go. He didn't realize he'd made a mistake until he felt a sharp blow to the side of his head. As he blacked out he heard Rika shriek and Daisuke shout a warning then nothing.

Aya stared at Ken lying at his feet. What had he done? He looked around at the carnage he'd created and decided that enough was enough. "Call Omi." He growled at the three assassins standing in the door. He only recognized Daisuke. The other two were women. The smaller one had bright pink hair in large curls around her face. She was the one who had screamed. The other woman reminded him of Manx. Tall and curvy, but her hair was blonde instead of red.

"What are you going to do?" Daisuke asked calmly, his eyes on Ken. Aya ignored him as he sat down and pulled Ken's head onto his lap. He carefully felt the area he had struck and found a small bump but nothing else. He let out a small sigh of relief. Leaning down he gently kissed Ken's cheek. A drop of blood fell from his hair onto the brunette's face. Ken stirred slightly but didn't open his eyes. He sat there with Ken for a long time, just stroking his hair. Eventually Omi and Youji came rushing into the room.

"What the hell?!" Youji looked shocked and Omi looked as though he wanted to throw up. "Who-"

"Mau." Daisuke stood with them. The women were nowhere in sight. "Ken-dono said it was Mau." Aya felt anger stir in his chest hearing the name so he went back to stroking Ken's hair. It soothed him.

"Has he said anything?" Omi asked the large man quietly.

"He freaked out a bit when Ken-dono took his sword away, but he's been like this ever since he knocked him out." Daisuke replied with a shrug. "He don't know me so I figured it'd be better if one o' you went over there."

"Good plan." Youji laughed. "Although I don't know if I want to go over there either." Omi huffed irritably and moved across the room to where Aya sat with Ken.

"Aya, you're getting blood in Ken's hair." The blonde said quietly reaching to touch his hand. Aya batted his hand away and continued stroking. He was waiting for Ken to wake up. He didn't want the brunette to be mad at him, but this was the third time Aya had rendered him unconscious in the past three months. "Aya, Its time to stop now and-" Aya growled as Omi reached for him again.

"Its fine Omi." Ken muttered tiredly his eyes still closed. "I was ignoring the blood." Aya blinked down at him. How long had the brunette been conscious?

"Ken?" Omi sounded as surprised as Aya felt. Ken opened his eyes, but didn't move. "Are you hurt?"

"Just a small headache." He shrugged. "Aya was making it feel better though." He smiled up at the redhead. "You really need to stop knocking me out kid." Aya frowned at him. Kid? He pushed the brunette off his lap. Ken just laughed and sat up.

"Is any of the blood on you yours?" Omi asked his brow furrowing as he took in the smears of blood all over Ken's clothing.

"Nah, it all came from Aya, who got it from that." Ken jerked his thumb towards the decimated corpse behind him.

"Neither of you are hurt?"

"Nope. Aya took him out quite brilliantly. I counted about twenty seconds from start to finish."

"To do all that?" Omi stared around at the carnage.

"He was _really_ pissed." Ken laughed. How could he be laughing? Aya stared at him. Was he really ok with what he'd done? "Hey Dai, the girls ok?"

"Yeah boss." The big man grinned. "Rika-chan was a little freaked but she's watching that pony show o' hers now. Alanna complained about needing a shower and headed upstairs."

"What happened on your mission?"

"We hit the target and got out in under ten minutes. Easy peasy. Don't know why you were so worried boss." Daisuke replied.

"I guess I like to worry." Ken shrugged then looked over at Aya. The swordsman refused to meet his eyes. "You ok Aya?" The redhead continued to stare at the floor. Now that he was calm he regretted what he'd done in the heat of the moment. He remembered the terrified look in Ken's eyes as the brunette had tried to calm him down and stop mutilating Mau's corpse. Now Ken knew what Aya was really like deep down. A monster, not much different than the ones they hunted. Just look at him. He was covered in blood and bits of bone and internal organ. He was pretty sure that was a piece of liver on his knee. It was disgusting..._he_ was disgusting. What the _hell_ was wrong with him? Aya sighed and laid down on the bloody floor. "Gross, Aya, don't lay there." He felt Ken's hands on him and allowed the brunette to pull him to his feet. "I'm going to get him cleaned up guys. We'll be back down in a bit."

"Good plan." Omi said in reply. "The cleaning crew is already en-route."

"Thank God." Ken laughed. "This apartment is a mess." Aya ignored the rest of their banter as Ken led him upstairs. He had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other or else he was going to fall on his face. "What am I going to do with you Aya?" Ken sighed as he brought Aya into his bathroom. Aya shrugged and lifted his arms when Ken began pulling off his shirt. Luckily none of the blood had dried yet so it came off with ease. He shivered slightly as Ken moved past him and turned on the shower. "Do you need my help getting clean?" Ken asked. Aya shook his head and waited until Ken had left before removing his pants and climbing in the shower.

The water at his feet turned pink then red as the blood was washed from his skin. Mau's blood. He'd been terrified at first when he'd heard his voice, but then something in him had snapped. All the pent up rage at how helpless the man and his cronies had made him. Aya hated being helpless. He hated being at the mercy of someone else. He hated being unable to move, to get away. Aya shuddered then grabbed the soap and began to scrub. This was the first shower he'd been in by himself for a long time. For the past few months Ken had been bathing him, but for the two and a half years before that it had been Mau. Mau who had refused to leave him alone anywhere unless he was chained up. The bastard had forced him to do things. Horrible things and Aya knew he would never be clean. He would never be rid of the stain Mau had left on his soul. Takatori's was still there. It had faded a little after his death, but not Mau's. _His_ stain was still strong. What he'd done...no he couldn't think about that right now. He had to keep the memories buried. He _had_ to. It was getting harder though. They, along with the part of him that was always screaming, were close to the surface constantly trying to claw their way free. So it was a struggle, but he managed to keep from remembering. He also was apparently managing to scrub his skin so raw that it had started to bleed in a few places. _Shit_. The soap stung but he finally finished getting all the blood off.

"God Aya, I can't leave you alone for a minute can I?" Ken's voice startled him, but what he said terrified him. _I can't leave you alone for a minute can I?_ In his mind it was Mau's voice...and that was all it took for the dam to break. Ran's screaming corpse broke free from its grave in his mind bringing with it his worst memory of what had happened with Mau.

_Mau's whip cut into his flesh again and again. "Scream for me slut." The bastard purred in his ear. Aya bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from complying. So far he hadn't allowed a single sound to escape without his permission for the past two and a half years. All of this was his own fault. He should have known better than to turn his back on Mau. He refused to think of him by anything other than his codename. None of them deserved real names. The others were lounging on the couch in front of him. Mau had dragged him from the bedroom and hooked his wrist restraints to a chain hanging from the ceiling. He could feel blood running down his arms from where the wounds around his wrists had opened. More blood ran down his back from multiple lacerations. _

_ Since he couldn't see Mau he glared at Ocelot and Lynx who were now rutting like animals on the couch. They were ignoring him of course. For them watching Mau abuse him was just a turn on. He dreaded the day they decided to join. Suddenly the whip wrapped around his neck. He choked and struggled futilely. "I have a surprise for you slut. Lynx is going to help me rip you wide open." Mau laughed as Lynx left Ocelot pouting and panting on the couch. "He's intrigued by our little games and wants to try you out." The whip left his neck as Mau walked around to stand in front of him. Aya closed his eyes in disgust when he felt Lynx's hands on him. The man fumbled unsuccessfully with the swordsman's cock in an attempt to get him hard. "Don't bother, this slut is a cold bitch. Nothing I do gets him off." Mau growled. "I even tried drugs."_

_ "Okay Boss." Lynx's hand left his cock. Aya gritted his teeth as Lynx shoved his cock into him. He hated this part of it. He could take the beatings, but this...he hated this. Lynx groaned as he pounded into Aya. "Damn he's so tight. Not like Ocelot."_

_ "Ocelot takes so much dick that her pussy is the size of Tokyo." Mau laughed._

_ "Shut up!" Ocelot shrieked leaping to her feet. She grabbed Aya by the hair and wrenched his head back. "I'll make sure you're never tight again." She hissed venomously then let go of him and disappeared from view. Aya tried to just block everything out, but it took everything he had to keep from screaming as a large dildo was shoved into him alongside Lynx's cock. Lynx laughed and began to fuck him harder. In less than a minute Lynx shot his load and pulled out of him. The dildo stayed and Aya could feel blood dripping down his legs. "Give me your whip Mau." Ocelot spat. "I need to teach this slut a lesson."_

_ "And what lesson would that be my dear?" Mau asked handing her his whip._

_ "No one gives pleasure to my man except me." She snarled and the whip cracked. Aya wanted to tell her that he hadn't wanted to give _anyone_ pleasure, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears so he suffered through her whipping soundlessly. Eventually the blows stopped. He could hear her muttering and something cold pressed into him...next to the dildo._

_ "Ocelot don't-" Mau shouted, but Aya couldn't hear what he said over his own screams. The pain was unbearable. He didn't know what was happening all he could feel was this terrible pain as though he was being split in two. All he could do was scream and know that they had won._

Ken stared in horror as Aya collapsed in on himself and began to scream. He rushed forward and pulled the younger man out of the shower. He got a towel wrapped around him just as Omi and Youji came running in. "What the hell happened?!" Youji exclaimed.

"I don't know!" Ken cried as Aya screamed and struggled in his arms. The brunette tried to soothe him, but nothing was working. "I came in to check on him and he was just standing under the water scrubbing at his skin. I could see that it was bleeding so I got frustrated and snapped at him."

"Do you remember what you said?" Omi asked quietly.

"Something about not being able to leave him alone for a minute. I don't know." Ken didn't want to answer their damn questions. He wanted Aya to quit screaming. "Please Aya, come back to me." He held the trembling swordsman tightly and stroked his hair. He pressed a kiss to Aya's freezing skin and suddenly the screaming stopped. Ken looked down in surprise to find Aya's empty eyes staring up at him tears streaming down his face.

"I couldn't hold them back anymore." The redhead whispered roughly. His breath hitched.

"You don't have to hold it all in Aya." Ken kissed his forehead. "Just let go."

"I can't."

"Why?" Ken asked keeping his voice calm even though he was seething on the inside. He wanted to kill the bastards who had hurt Aya enough to break him this bad. He hated that they were already dead.

"I just got them back in." Aya shrugged as if it was obvious. Ken felt his lips twitch. The man was ridiculously adorable.

"You scared the hell out of me." He sighed his anger finally dissipating.

"I'm cold." Ken couldn't help it this time he laughed. Aya's brow furrowed slightly.

"Come on, I'll get you some new clothes."

**A/N: **I am very sorry about the graphic nature of the rape scene. I was in a very dark mood when I wrote this portion of the story. I'm not sure how necessary it was except as a way for you, dear reader, to understand what Mau(the dick) did to Aya and why Ocelot and Lynx also had to die.

I hate hurting Aya, I really do. I cry every time I hurt him in one of my stories. Yet I keep doing it...maybe I really am a sadist like my husband tells me I am.

Oh and the real reason no one refers to Mau, Lynx, and Ocelot by their real names is because I was too lazy to come up with any. XD


	5. Picking Up The Pieces

Chapter Five:

**Picking Up the Pieces**

Ken wasn't sure what to do. Aya was acting like nothing had happened. Like he hadn't had a breakdown or chopped someone up into little bits. The latter he understood. From the little he had been able to guess about what Mau had done to Aya the bastard deserved all of it and more. He supposed he really shouldn't be surprised about Aya's behavior. He'd seen more emotion from the redhead in the past three months then he ever had in the eight years that he'd known him. That wasn't a really difficult feat, but Ken was still unnerved and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Whatcha thinking about Ken-chan?" Rika asked dropping onto the couch next to him. She had been extremely worried about him over the past couple days since she'd seen Aya knock him out.

"Aya." He sighed. "I don't know what to do. He acts like everything is business as usual, but I know its not."

"Have you tried talking to him?" She asked brightly.

"Getting Aya to talk is like pulling teeth from a man that has dentures, its pointless." He smiled as she giggled and laid her head against his shoulder.

"Do you think he'd like My Little Ponies? Its what makes me happy."

"Its a nice thought Rika, but I don't think he would enjoy the pony show." Ken tried to imagine Rika and Aya watching the show together and snorted.

"So what _does_ make him happy, you know, besides killing people?"

"I really don't know, and I don't think killing people makes him happy." Ken replied.

"Oh." She was quiet for a long time. "He seems better when you're with him. Because when you aren't here he looks kind of lost."

"What do you mean?" Ken cocked his head and looked down at her.

"Well, the other night when you and Dai-chan and Lanna-chan went out, he just sat by your window and stared out." Rika looked up at him. "I peeked in there to see if he was hungry and cuz I wondered if he was ok, but he just stared. It was like he didn't even hear me. Then when you got home he was fine. He came downstairs and everything." She pursed her lips. "And after he knocked you out the other day he freaked. He yelled at us to call Omi then got down on the floor to make sure you were ok."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He got a frowny look on his face and everything." She jumped up from the couch. "I think you should go upstairs and tell him how you feel." With that she skipped off. Ken stared after her. It was in moments like these that she reminded him of Omi. She really was wiser than her seventeen years. He got up off his ass and walked upstairs. Outside the room he was still sharing with Aya he hesitated. He had already told Aya how he felt about him, what if those feelings were unwanted? They'd shared a few kisses that left them both breathless and wanting more, but did Aya even want that? Had Ken forced him into something he regretted now? The brunette took a deep breath and silently opened the door.

Aya sat on the chair by the window, His legs folded beneath him and a book lying across his lap, but the redhead wasn't looking at it. He was staring at the floor with eyes that looked like they belonged to a dead man. He stirred slightly as Ken came into the room and closed the door. "Hey." Ken swallowed and braced himself then walked over and sat on the floor in front of Aya. He carefully set the book aside and laid his head on the swordsman's thigh. When Aya tensed he started to pull away cursing himself, but then Aya's fingers were in his hair and he felt himself melt.

"You were worrying about me." Aya's deep voice made him shiver.

"I always worry." Ken murmured. "I can never tell if you're okay or not." There was a slight hesitation in Aya's hands before he shocked Ken.

"I'm not okay." Aya's voice was soft. Ken started to look up at him but the grip on his hair tightened. "Don't. Its easier if you don't look at me." Ken let his head fall back down. "I spent a little over two years in hell because I made the mistake of turning my back on a man I didn't trust."

"I'm sorry Aya I-"

"Shh. I know." Aya caressed his cheek softly. "Just let me finish before I lose my nerve." Ken pressed his lips together. "My soul is forever stained by what I went through, but I know it will fade over time. It did before." Ken couldn't keep silent anymore.

"Before?!" He sat up and looked into Aya's eyes. The redhead looked away.

"When I was a child I was imprisoned much in the same way as I was with...Mau." Ken could see the effort it took his beloved to say the bastard's name. "The man who...hurt me back then was Takatori." Ken's eyes widened in horror. "Yes, that's why I hated him so much, but after I killed him I was able to get past the pain he'd put me through. So I know that in time I will recover from...what..." He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. "I just need time, Ken, and I need you to stop treating me like a porcelain doll." Aya finally looked at him. His eyes held a deep sadness that was hard for Ken to see. The brunette stood then pulled Aya into his arms. It was just like the time he had tried to hug the younger man when his sister had died. Aya was rigid in his arms. Rigid and cold...really cold. His skin was like ice. Ken knew the window wasn't open so why?

"Why are you so cold?" He asked grabbing a blanket from the bed and wrapping it around Aya's shoulders.

"Why are you so warm?" Aya murmured pressing his face into Ken's neck.

"I have a normal body temperature." Ken replied smartly. He sat in the chair with his Aya bundle in his lap. "You feel-"

"Like a corpse?" Aya snorted. "Yeah, I know."

"No...I was going to say like an icicle, but you had to go and be all morbid." Ken wrinkled his nose. "I love you though, so I'll let that go." Aya stiffened then sat up. The blanket fell from his shoulders as he looked down at Ken.

"You keep saying that." The redhead whispered.

"Because its true." Ken replied soberly. "Do you not want me to love you?" He asked the question, but he really didn't want to know the answer. His heart froze when Aya shook his head.

"Its not that." The younger man looked down and away from Ken's eyes. "I just don't understand."

"Understand what?" Ken asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

"How you could love someone like me." Aya replied after torturing the brunette with a long silence. "I'm not a whole person Ken. So much has been taken from me over the years and I...I'm broken Ken. There's only pieces of me left." Ken felt tears spill down his cheeks. He really didn't know what to say so he kissed him. He pulled Aya into him and kissed him with all the love he felt. Aya melted into him, his skin warming under Ken's hands. Ken broke away and stared into Aya's eyes. The spark was back. It was small, but there.

"I love you Aya, because you are who I know in my soul that I belong with. I have never felt about anyone how I feel about you. I have never loved anyone so deep before. I need you in my life. My heart breaks every time I see the pain you're in and all I want to do is take it from you. I want to love you forever. I know you may not love me back, but I-" Aya's mouth was suddenly on his and the younger man was kissing him as though his life depended on it. There was nothing soft or sweet about this kiss. It was hard and filled with a dark passion. Ken felt his groin swelling in response. He groaned opening his mouth for Aya's tongue as the swordsman moved so that he was straddling the brunette's lap. He felt Aya's hands sliding up his shirt and he arched into the touch. Aya's mouth moved to his neck where he bit down, not enough for it to hurt, but just enough to send jolts of pleasure straight to Ken's already throbbing erection.

"I need you Ken." The redhead's voice was rough and filled with desire. "I've loved you for so long." He whispered. "I was too afraid to let you into my world." He ground his hips into Ken's before straightening to look him in the eye. "I'm still terrified that you won't like the darkness in me. You felt it didn't you?"

"Y-yeah." Ken's breath hitched as he stared into dark amethyst eyes. "Do you see me running?" Aya's eyes widened slightly. "You aren't going to scare me away Aya. I love you. I do think we need to take this slower. I don't want to hurt you and-"

"Ken." Aya put a hand over his mouth. "When you touch me I feel alive. You are the only one who can drive that man's taint from me. I need you to love me..._please_, just love me." Ken nodded and Aya kissed him.

Aya melted into Ken's arms unable to deny himself any longer. He couldn't resist the promise of love. He'd been without it for so long. He _needed_ Ken. Needed him with an intensity that was scaring him. Ken would _never_ hurt him. Not intentionally and not in the way he had been hurt before. He slid from the brunette's lap then pulled him to his feet and towards the bed. Sex had always meant pain for him, but he knew that between lovers it was different. Omi and Youji's love proved that. He'd heard them at night when Weiss was still together. Ken was such a heavy sleeper that Aya was sure _he_ never had, and Aya would never tell the blondes what he'd heard. He wanted what they had though. Neither of them were complete without the other and Aya desperately wanted to be whole again. Ken was the only one who made him feel anything besides anger, pain or betrayal.

"Are you sure about this Aya?" Ken whispered as he laid Aya on the bed and covered his body with his own. Concerned brown eyes watched his face carefully. Aya didn't trust his voice so he pulled Ken's mouth to his. He'd never been good with words and what did words mean anyway? Ken could shout that he loved him until he was blue in the face, but Aya wouldn't believe him based just on words. That was how you got hurt. No, Aya didn't trust words. What he trusted, or rather _who_ he trusted, was Ken. The brunette had never lied to him or tried to deceive him. He was honest to a fault and everything he said could be proved by what he did. Aya knew Ken loved him based on all that the older man had done for him over the past few months. He'd cared for him without expecting anything in return. Everything he'd done had been out of love. Aya understood that even if he didn't completely understand love. "Aya, I know you don't like to talk, but I need you to tell me what you want." Ken was pulling away from him. Aya growled softly and used his legs to reverse their positions. As he straddled Ken's waist he could feel the brunette's erection press into him. A shudder passed through him. "You aren't ready Aya." Ken said gently, cupping Aya's face with his hands. But Aya needed Ken to drive the taint from him. He wanted to feel someone inside him that loved him. "We can go slow Aya. I know that if I make love to you right now it will hurt you, and that's the last thing that _I_ want." Aya looked down at Ken trying to keep his face blank. "I love you Aya and when you love someone you don't hurt them."

"But I hurt you." Aya finally whispered. He brushed his fingers over the bruise he'd put on the side of Ken's head. "Does that mean I don't love you?"

"No." Ken pulled him into a hug. "I don't believe for a moment that you wanted to hurt me and its always intent that matters." Aya pressed his face into Ken's neck relaxing now that he could no longer feel the pressure of the erection against him. Part of him was disappointed. He really thought he'd been ready. Ken's fingers stroked his back in soothing circles. He wanted to ask Ken why intent mattered. Hurt was hurt. The brunette seemed to read his mind though. "Aya, if I had sex with you right now I _know_ I would hurt you. I would also be betraying your trust. The other night when you killed that bastard you weren't yourself. You were in so much pain that you lashed out without thinking. Rika told me that after you hit me you were sorry. She said you got a frowny face and everything." Aya snorted making Ken laugh. "The point is, that what you did was unintentional. You didn't mean to hurt me. If I had sex with you now, knowing that it will hurt you, would make me even more of a bastard than Mau." Aya lifted his head in surprise.

"Why?"

"Because you trust me, at least I hope you do." Ken caressed his cheek. "To intentionally hurt the one you love is the ultimate betrayal." Aya laid his head back down on the brunette's chest. "I don't want you to force yourself to do something you aren't ready for Aya. I also don't care if it takes years until you are. I'm content just holding you like this."

"What about..." Aya felt his face flush. He couldn't say it.

"Sex?" Ken asked. Aya nodded hiding his face. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man who had been through hell and he couldn't talk about sex with the man he loved. "Aya loving someone doesn't mean you only want to have sex with them. Love is more than that. When I say I love you what I mean is that I want to spend my life with you. Through the ups _and_ downs. It means that I can wait to have sex with you, because you're worth waiting for."

"What if I'm not?" Aya whispered. "What if I'm not worth anything?" Ken grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him slightly when he refused to meet the brunette's eyes.

"Look at me Aya." Ken growled. Hesitantly Aya lifted his eyes. Ken's brown eyes blazed with fury. It was both beautiful and terrifying to the swordsman. "Never say you aren't worth anything. You mean more to me than my own life!" Aya pulled away from him to sit against the wall the bed was pushed up against.

"Why? How can I mean so much to you? I-" He broke off as Ken sat up, his eyes blazing.

"Aya, why do I have to have a reason to love you? Love can't always be explained. Sometimes it just happens and there's no running from it." He got on his knees in front of Aya. "My love for you is real and I'm not going anywhere no matter how much you push me away or try to scare me. I _know_ this isn't easy for you like it is for me. You cut yourself off from people for so long that its going to take time for you to get comfortable. Start with me. Let me into your heart and I promise you I will do everything I can to make you happy." Aya stared at him his heart pounding in his throat. Happy?

"Do I even deserve to be happy?" He heard himself ask. The anger in Ken's eyes disappeared. The brown orbs glowed with warmth as he leaned forward and pressed a gently kiss to Aya's forehead.

"You more than anyone I know deserve a bit of happiness." He whispered softly. "You've suffered for so long Aya, let me take some of your pain away." Aya felt his eyes burn and tears began slipping down his cheeks. Ken kissed them away then pulled the redhead close. "Can you let me love you Aya?"

"Yes." Aya whispered closing his eyes as Ken's mouth covered his. The kiss was soft and sweet, undemanding of anything more. Aya opened his mouth to the tongue swirling over his lips. As the warm muscle invaded his mouth he felt his body respond. His groin hardened and his blood seemed to ignite. Ken moaned into his mouth his arms wrapping around the swordsman. The brunette gently lifted him only to lay him on his back on the mattress. Then his hands were exploring Aya's body. Gentle caresses and strokes that fueled the fire burning within him. He barely noticed as their clothing began to fall away. He focused on Ken's hands as they slid down his chest. The brunette pulled back from the kiss as he rested his hand on Aya's erection.

Ken looked down into Aya's eyes as he gently stroked the younger man's penis searching for any sign that the redhead was uncomfortable. He knew Aya wouldn't tell him so he needed to pay attention. He couldn't get lost in his desire. He watched Aya moan and felt his body arch into his touch. "So beautiful." He whispered pressing his lips to the sensitive skin of Aya's throat. The younger man gasped as he used his tongue to trace random patterns across his skin. Aya's fingers slid into his hair and pulled Ken up to his mouth. The brunette kissed him deeply exploring the smaller man's mouth with his tongue. He kept up the movement of his hand using his thumb to swirl pre-cum around the sensitive tip of Aya's cock. The redhead moaned breathlessly into his mouth and clutched at his hair. His lithe, agile body writhed, his hips rocking under Ken's hand. Ken could feel his own erection throbbing with neglect. It was hanging heavily between his legs, but he was uncertain of Aya's reaction if he were to let it touch him. Aya made the decision for him. Ken felt the younger man's long legs wrap around his waist. They pushed his hips down into Aya's. They both broke from their kiss, gasping for air as their erections made contact. Ken felt his hips rock forward. Aya moaned and his legs tightened around the older man's waist. Ken moved his hand so that he was gripping both of their cocks. He closed his eyes with a groan as he worked them together. Aya's fingers clutched at his shoulders.

"Ken!" He gasped. The brunette looked up quickly. "What is...oh!" He through his head back with a cry as he came. Ken did the same less then a second later his entire body shaking with the force of it. Only Aya could do this to him. He gasped for air as he collapsed next to Aya. Their stomachs were covered in semen so he grabbed his shirt from the floor and quickly cleaned the mess up. When he looked back at Aya the younger man was staring at him with wide eyes.

"You ok?" Ken asked worriedly stroking the side of his face. Aya nodded once.

"That was the...first time I..." He trailed off looking away. Ken was shocked then honored. He was the first and only person to have given Aya release.

"So I didn't hurt you?" He asked, brushing sweaty hair from Aya's face.

"Not once." The redhead whispered wrapping his arms around Ken's neck and pulling him close. "Thank you." The words were so quiet Ken almost didn't hear. The brunette fought back tears and kissed Aya gently.

"I love you." He whispered against the younger man's lips.

"I believe you." Aya whispered back, kissing him softly. "I love you too."

**A/N:** Okay, so I know some people want sex, but this was as close as I could get right now. Poor Aya-kun is still hurting. Oh and isn't Ken so beautiful and understanding. I am really starting to love this story and believe it or not I didn't start it with the idea that Aya was going to be tortured by his new team. I had only thought he'd get hurt on a mission where his team died and Ken would have to nurse him back to health and yeah. Didn't happen...weird.

I don't use honorifics a lot in my stories, but I think Rika is adorable and needs them lol. Oh and when she talks I have Yachiru-chan's voice from Bleach playing in my head. The japanese actress's voice is so damn cute! (Yachiru-chan is the pink haired lieutenant in the 11th squad who is always riding on Kenpachi's shoulders for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about...omg I just realized that Rika-chan _is_ Yachiru-chan 0.0 Well, my version of her anyway lol)


	6. How Do I Live?

Chapter Six:

**A/N: **So I think this will be the last chapter. I hope everyone who has read it enjoyed. If you have any feedback for me please review or send me a PM. I'd like to know if I've made any mistakes or if you liked the story. Sexy love there will be in this chapter :)

**How Do I Live?**

Aya was bored. _Extremely_ bored. It had been almost a month since he'd killed...well more like _destroyed_ Mau. His body was completely healed and his mind was on the mend. That was thanks to Ken though. He knew that if he didn't have the brunette he would still be a wreck. He sighed thinking of his lover. The older man was with Daisuke and Alanna on a mission. Aya had been left at the apartment with Rika who was doing her homework and complaining loudly that it was too hard. Everything about the teenage girl was loud from her hair and clothing to her personality. Aya was up in the bedroom he shared with Ken. Rika was downstairs in the kitchen and he could still hear her with the door closed. "I hate this!" He heard the girl shriek then there was a loud crash. Aya swore softly to himself and put his book away. He wasn't going to get any peace until she had finished so he got up and went downstairs.

"You are entirely too loud." He grumbled as he walked into the kitchen where she was shoving her school books off the table to crash onto the floor.

"This is more fun than doing the homework." She said cheerfully picking the books up and setting them back on the table so she could push them off again. He caught them before they hit the floor. "Damn you're quick." He shrugged setting the books on the table and walked to the stove. As he set the kettle on to boil water for tea he felt movement behind him. Spinning, he snatched the pencil zooming towards his head out of the air. Rika giggled. "Ken-chan wouldn't have caught that." Aya spun the pencil around his fingers absently as he looked at the tiny girl. It was hard to believe she was an accomplished assassin, but Ken had told him she'd been born into the life. Her parents had both been assassins and when they were killed Rika had been devastated. She had then taken on her parents mantle to avenge them. She had perfect aim and excellent reflexes. She also had a personality that helped her go undercover and with her small frame she was quiet and able to hide easily. Another pencil came flying towards him. He flicked the pencil in his fingers at it. The two pencils collided in mid air shattering to pieces. "Holy pony lords." Rika breathed. "That was awesome Aya-san." She clapped furiously. "How did you do that?"

"Reflex." Aya shrugged. "Omi is better at that than I am though."

"Omi-san?"

"He used to be with Ken, Youji, and I in Weiss." Aya replied. "His specialty was darts."

"Wow. I was wondering where you and Ken-chan had met. No one tells me anything." Her lips turned down in a pout then her brow furrowed. "Or they told me and I forgot." Behind him the kettle began whistling. Aya hesitated before turning his back on Rika and set about making tea for both of them.

"Now." He said, handing her a steaming cup. "What has got you so riled up?"

"What? Oh!" She grabbed one of her school books and opened it. "I'm really bad at math so I hate it." Aya sat down next to her and pulled the book towards him. For the next hour he carefully guided her through each of the problems. She got more and more excited as she began to understand. On the last problem, which also was the hardest, he stayed quiet and sipped his tea as he watched her work through it on her own. She performed beautifully and was still running around the kitchen celebrating when the three other members of Aoi returned home. They walked in just as she was about to throw her arms around Aya. In a smooth, practiced move he slipped out of her path. Yup, she was just like Omi. The thought almost made him smile. For the first time in almost four years he felt normal. "Ken-chan!" Rika threw herself at the brunette laughing. "Aya-kun helped me understand math!" Aya-kun? The redhead cocked his head. What happened to the -san she had used an hour ago? Daisuke and Ken were grinning at her antics and Aya. Alanna was staring at him like he'd grown a second head.

"The psycho helped you with your homework?" The blonde woman asked incredulously. Aya stiffened in anger. Psycho? Did this bitch know that he could kill her in less than a second using just his thumb nail? To his surprise Rika slapped her.

"He's not a psycho, Lanna-chan!" She cried. "He just had a really bad day!" Aya laughed. A bad day? That was the understatement of the century. He shook his head still smiling. The smile disappeared when he noticed that all of them were now staring at him like he'd grown another head, well except Ken. Desire heated the brunette's brown eyes forcing Aya to beat a hasty retreat back to the bedroom lest he be mauled right there in the kitchen.

"Write the report Dai." He heard Ken shout as he raced after Aya. He caught the redhead just as he got inside the bedroom. In the next second he had Aya pinned to the bed and was straddling his waist. "You're so beautiful." The older man whispered against Aya's lips before kissing him. The swordsman could feel the older man's erection against his stomach and shivered in anticipation. So far they hadn't had sex, but they had been working up to it. They had spent hours exploring each others bodies. Aya had become more and more comfortable with Ken touching him and as long as he was expecting it he never flinched away. The brunette seemed to understand this so he never came at Aya from behind and was always making sure to go slowly so that he could see if he made the younger man uncomfortable. Tonight he knew he was ready to become one with Ken. To test his theory he used his legs to reverse their positions. When Ken's erection pressed at his entrance through their clothes he closed his eyes and felt nothing but heat. Heat that pooled in his center and radiated outwards through his body. He felt no disgust or apprehension, only anticipation. He opened his eyes and smiled down at Ken. The brunette's eyes widened, darkening with desire.

"I'm ready." Aya murmured leaning down to kiss the man he loved more than life itself. He was half expecting Ken to rush into preparing him, but as always the brunette chose to move slowly and Aya loved him for it. First their clothes fell to the floor, all the while Ken was kissing and caressing him. The older man then carefully laid Aya on his back and took a jar of lube from his nightstand. He laid on his side next to Aya and kissed him long and hard.

"If it hurts tell me to stop and I will." Ken murmured. Aya nodded and tried to relax as his lover coated three fingers in lube and reached between his legs. The first finger went in without a problem. "Relax Aya." Ken kissed his neck then his lips. As a second finger slid into him he felt a twinge of discomfort. He moaned as the fingers inside him began to scissor and twist. He was wondering when Ken was going to insert the next one when an intense wave of pleasure rocked through him. His body arched off the bed as Ken continued to rub the same spot sending wave after wave of heat running through him. Aya writhed in pleasurable torment and barely felt the third finger enter him. He groaned as Ken stretched him. When the fingers left him he laid there panting and feeling empty. He watched through half open eyes as Ken knelt between his legs and applied lube to his cock. Before entering him Ken leaned down and kissed him gently then slowly began to push into him. Aya gasped in pain and something dark within him broke free. He could feel Ken stopping and knew he was about to pull out, but Aya wanted this. He was _not_ going to let a little pain stop him. "I'm sorry Aya I-" The swordsman growled and swiftly reversed their positions. "Aya don't-" Ken broke off as Aya swiftly sheathed the length of his erection within him.

Ken watched Aya's head fall back his mouth open in a soundless cry. _Shit_. The brunette was about to panic then Aya looked at him and he was frozen in place staring into amethyst eyes dark with desire and something else...hunger. The swordsman began rocking his hips. "I need you Ken." The brunette rolled them so that he was once again on top and drove his cock deep into the man beneath him. Aya clutched at his back arching into him.

"I was trying to go slow you know." Ken groaned as he thrusted his hips into Aya.

"Slow sucked." Aya moaned in reply. "I- Fuck!" The swordsman cried out letting Ken know he'd found just the right spot. He shifted his hold on Aya's legs and began to pound into him mercilessly. He saw Aya biting his lip and could feel his nails digging into his back. Ken increased his pace straining to hold off his own climax until Aya had had his. Suddenly the swordsman's muscles clenched around him and Aya came with a soft cry. Ken came seconds later shouting his release. He collapsed against his lover gasping for air. Aya clung to him much in the same state. After a moment Ken gathered himself to roll off. His little redhead had other plans though. He pushed Ken onto his back but went with him so that he was once again on top with Ken's cock buried deep within him. The brunette moaned as Aya slowly undulated his hips. "I never knew it could be like this." Aya murmured letting his head fall back as he moved. Ken watched him and felt his cock stiffen. Aya must have felt it too because he moaned softly and increased his movements.

"God you're beautiful." The brunette gasped. He loved watching Aya pleasure himself on his cock. His movements were graceful and unhurried. His muscles rippled and flexed. The sight was intoxicating. Ken reached down and began massaging Aya's growing erection. The swordsman gasped then moaned and rocked his hips harder. Ken moved his hips against Aya's movements increasing the speed and friction. Aya whimpered reaching down to grip Ken's thighs. Ken eyed the curve of his body and groaned. He was so close. "Fuck, Aya, I'm already...nngh." He shoved upwards as he came. Aya cried out leaning forward as he also came.

They collapsed together in sweaty heap, breathing heavily. Ken carefully pulled out of his lover then got up and went into the bathroom to get a wash cloth. He smiled at Aya, who was desperately trying not to fall asleep as he cleaned the semen from both their bodies. The brunette then climbed back into bed and pulled Aya close, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. No words were spoken as they laid there in the darkening twilight. They didn't need any. Both knew how the other felt so the silence was comfortable, soothing even. This was what happiness felt like. Ken smiled and pressed his lips to a now sleeping Aya's forehead then laid back and closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep he allowed himself to relax his hold on Aya, secure in the knowledge that when he woke the redhead would still be there. Now and for all the mornings to come.

-Fin-


End file.
